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Some believe the words “vulnerable” and “strength” are oxymorons. How about you? Do you believe vulnerability is a strength or weakness? The simple awareness that you may be vulnerable in general or about a specific situation makes it a strength – specifically if means you are living your truth. 

To me, vulnerability means you’re comfortable with who you are and unapologetic about it. That’s what I mean by “living your truth.” Those around you have no doubt about who you truly are. If they’re real friends or partners they’ll love you as you are. Even if you’re not surrounded by the most supportive people, being vulnerable enables you to own your strengths and weaknesses, your pains and fears, your lightness and darkness. You are you and should be damn proud of it!

Being vulnerable is also about releasing what’s not serving you. That may mean being ok letting some people, energy and situations go. It’s actually an exercise in self-love. By surrounding yourself with good energy and those who love you for you, you’re able to be more vulnerable. It’s an infinite circle – the more vulnerable and true you are, the more you attract strong and supportive people, the more vulnerable you can be, and so on. This circle is actually quite lovely! 

Could you be more vulnerable – with yourself and others? Who? What can you let go of that may not be able to come with you in your journey of self-discovery? Get real. Be true to you. Life is too short not to live your truth and comfortable in your own skin. Practice being more vulnerable to live more fully. 

Next Full Moon (Oct. 24, the Hunters Moon) is time to act!

As an aside, by now, you know that I love the moon and taking advantage of its waxing and waning, its new and full phases. Oct. 24 is the next full moon – the Hunter’s Moon. Because this one occurs deep in autumn, it’s history is about how hunters would make one last hunt for meat before the frigid winter months. Basically, this full moon is the “last call” for fall. Take advantage of the full moon. It embodies the full energy of action. So, if you’re in the middle of an activity or project – act! 

When I was younger, older adults often told me that life’s not easy – or fair. At the time, I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. I was coping well with whatever I had going on at the time. To me, it seemed the advice was more about the person giving the advice that it was about me. 

I don’t want to come across that way with you or anyone else. After all, life serves each of us different curve balls. We see our life changes based on our prior experiences and overall perceptions, too. 

For example, how we face relationship loss or job loss can be completely different. I’ve experienced both this year. None were easy, but my relationship loss affected me so much more than my job loss. In fact, having that frame of reference enabled me to face my job loss with a broader perspective because it paled in comparison to losing the love of my life. I’m still healing from that heartache. 

If you have similar situations, know that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. I’ve had to remind myself about that over and over. Even so, it can be hard to find moments of clarity about pain. That’s why it’s important to simply honor your struggle. 

When you honor the struggle, you let it be. You can know it’s ok to feel the emotions along the way. You may even get to the point where you see pain and struggle as life lessons. But you can’t make that progression unless you honor the struggle, step by step. 

Honoring the struggle is not only part of your journey, it might be how you get to know yourself better, including learning to truly love yourself. It’s that simple and that complex. Try honor your own struggle and find your inner strength and badass.

If you’re not sure how to move though the process and find that inner strength in the struggle, let me help you. While we could work one-on-one, you could also jump into my holiday women’s circle. If this is your first holiday alone or you’re not looking forward to the holidays because of other life changes, grab one of the 10 available spots now! 

I’m not one to typically wish for time to pass quickly. I’m actually trying to keep my focus and thoughts on the present and live more in the moment. But 2018 has been one hell of a year for me. Not only did I lose the love of my life,  I also recently lost my job when it was eliminated. I’ve had so many signs from the Universe this year that I’ve been forced to listen – and surrender and surrender more. 

Early this year as I struggled with the pain of loss, I cracked open Gabby Bernstein’s book The Universe has your back. It changed my life. Her explanation of the Universe, basically the law of attraction and how our thoughts help determine our future. It was also, at it’s core, about how to find meaning in life and suffering – specifically how to surrender to a higher power. I’ve told as many people as I can about this book and how impactful it can be regardless of what you’re facing in life. 

While in some ways Gabby and her book saved me, it gave me the tools and broader perspective on life to move forward and trust a higher power in my life. It was no coincidence that I had also returned to Mass at the beginning of the year. I yearned for unconditional love and support and it was God/the Universe who gave it to me.

Regardless of who your higher power is (and if you even believe in one) find a power like the Universe and let go and surrender. Know that you’re not only being guided and supported, but when you feel your weakest and unsure of how to move forward – the Universe will catch you and carry you. You may not know it at the time, but as you heal, you’ll know…You’re right where you need to be. 

 

Today is also a New moon in Libra. Every new moon is a time to set intentions for the coming lunar cycles. It’s a little like setting New Year’s intentions, but new moon intentions can be as simple as what you want to accomplish in the next month. Take advantage of this energy!

For me, I’m setting the intention to meditate on the higher good instead of on a specific outcome I want in a situation. I’m also setting the intention to plan my coming Women’s Holiday Circle and helping women find their inner badass. Drop me a note at bcappa@comcast.net if you want to learn more or sign up. 

What are you manifesting during this new moon? 

Regardless of what you read on social media or in email, happiness is all the rage. The word and concept is everywhere. Everyone is trying to define happiness. It’s that elusive goal that all of us are supposed to want and easily achieve. How? By controlling your thoughts. Not so fast – that’s not simple in the least. 

If happiness were as easy and redirecting and controlling your thoughts, we’d all achieve at the drop of a hat. I know for me, changing or redirecting my thoughts, especially thoughts of self-doubt, fear, loneliness, are difficult for me to withstand in general let alone redirect to positive thoughts and happy feelings – and while I occasionally have anxious thoughts, I don’t suffer from anxiety or depression. Happiness and redirecting your thoughts can discredit anyone who has these experiences. 

I have friends who suffer from depression to the point of needing to take medication to take the edge off and live every day with some hope. I know they often are victims of negative thinking and may go through “funks” or periods of extreme sadness and doubt. To ask them to simply shift their thinking to be happy discounts their everyday challenges. 

Thinking about my friends who experience anxiety and/or depression, I’ve come to the conclusion that happiness isn’t the right goal. Instead, resilience is the goal. We all face life’s challenges in different ways. The ability to move forward doesn’t rely on one feeling like happiness. It does take the ability to bounce back – that’s relative based on your emotional starting point. 

So let’s be understanding that others may be facing challenges we can’t see.

Do you love you? That’s a loaded question. After all, if you’ve experienced a personal loss or the heartache of a break up, you’ve lost love on some level. You may be in the vicious cycle of blaming yourself and extreme sadness. Learning to fully love yourself again is the first step in breaking that cycle and healing your heart. 

First, you need to take care of you and keep yourself as your first priority. That’s as individual as you are, but there are few ways I can recommend based on my experience. Are you eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep? Yes, this is pretty basic, but in the midst of pain and sorrow, we tend to forget about what our bodies need. I struggled at first. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Over time, I forced myself to eat – and sometimes you need to do that.

You can also add some self-care rituals. Sundays are my zen days – the day of the week I try to keep just for me. I go to church, get a run in, take my dogs for leisurely walks, and soak in a bubble bath. I also enjoy some reading or personal development work. My friends and family know that Sunday is my day and they’ve come to respect it. 

I also make my health a big priority. I eat clean and workout every single day. By becoming healthier and stronger physically it’s helped me become stronger emotionally and spiritually. Not to mention – you get leaner and look better outside. Overtime, the changes outside become only representative of the transformation underway inside!

I share my examples only as inspiration and ideas for you. Self-love and self-care are not at all selfish. It’s vital. It’s how you heal, preserve your energy and learn to live fully again. Here are some other ways to love yourself first: 

1. Define and live your values proudly
2. Meditate / pray / be in stillness and tune in to your inner guide 
3. Forgive yourself first
4. Be thankful for all the good in your life
5. Lean in to your emotions – what you’re feeling is ok. 
6. Heal on your own time
7. You’re exactly where you are meant to be right now
8. Be you!

Love yourself first. It’s not only how you’ll heal, it’s the only true way to love others. 

Gabby Bernstein calls forgiveness “the F word.” I love that. What other F word is about extending grace and generosity to someone who has wronged or hurt you?

Forgiveness isn’t easy. You may have heard the quote, “Forgiveness is next to godliness.” It takes hard inner work to forgive someone else, especially if that person has hurt you deeply. Often, that pain pulls your energy down, too, which can amplify the hurt and make it difficult to truly forgive. That’s another reason why forgiveness is so important – for you.

You need to protect your energy at all costs – it’s vital to healing. That’s why forgiving genuinely from within you releases any negative energy and raises your energy and vibration. Whether you come to forgiveness through prayer, meditation or simple stillness, by surrendering the hurt to the Universe you can begin to feel the peace that comes from letting go. That’s why forgiving someone is a gift you give yourself.

Speaking of yourself, go easy on you. We tend to judge ourselves more critically than we do others – which makes it important that you forgive yourself and do it over and over and over. By releasing ourselves from self-doubt, self-judgment, and, sometimes – self-hate – we are free to fully forgive others.

You don’t need to forgive someone in person – you just need to truly extend it and send it out to the Universe. Don’t wait to forgive. You deserve the release, the peace and the energy rebound.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” I’m not sure who said this, but they were spot on when it comes to dealing with disappointment in life, especially the pain and sadness of heartache.

As a society, we tend to not want to feel difficult emotions like pain, sadness or fear. The more you deny or repress these emotions, the more they fester. When they do resurface – and they will – the emotions will be more intense. What’s the solution? Feel the fullness of each emotion and lean into it – when you feel it.

How fully you lean into hard emotions, the quicker you can heal and come out the other side. One way to do this is by reframing the pain so it can become a learning experience. As you learn to better cope – and that’s a journey – you can use the pain as catalyst for personal growth and resilience (see last week’s blog). It’s learning how to differentiate between what’s within your control and what’s not – and letting go of what you can’t control.

I know it’s uncomfortable. But it’s in the leaning in and feeling the full emotions that you learn more about who you are – your beliefs, your relationships with others and what makes you happy. As you discover the wonder of you, try to stay away from blaming yourself for any part of your current situation. Try not to judge yourself. Go easy and treat yourself with compassion.

New Moon
This week is a new moon. New moons signify new beginnings. Let this week be the start of something great and powerful for you. Try to focus on all that’s good and right in your life. Regardless of what you are going through right now, you are enough and people in your life do love you. It may not feel like it, but it’s true. Remember, you are loved and loveable just as you are! Lean into that!

On a personal note:
I know that leaning into your emotions and feeling the fullness of pain is easier said than done.

Today is Sept. 3. I dread the third of each month because the love of my life broke my heart on Jan. 3, 2018. Each third of the month means one more month we are not together. It’s painful and when the sadness and pain overcome me, I lean into it. I cry if I need to. As I shared last week, I’m on a journey to healing. Being resilient, making happiness a choice, starting my day with intention, and taking control of my life has made all the difference.

It can for you, too. Let me help you.

When you’re in pain, thinking about surviving the lows and getting to the other side, can seem insurmountable. I understand more than most. Heartbreak and loss is especially challenging to work through. How do you survive and move on? Resilience.

Resiliency is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” It’s the ability to bounce back regardless of what life throws at you. Easy? Definitely not. For some it’s more a habit than a skill. Regardless, it’s important to master it for the short- and long-term.

In the short-term, you show resilience when you interact with a difficult person – or even work through your own critical self-talk. Longer term, you are resilient when you face challenges like a job loss, break up or health crisis.

Resilience is the difference between feeling overwhelmed by life and taking more control. Trust your ability to rebound. Whether you’re facing a life challenge or want to strengthen your ability rebound, I can help.

There is light at the end of the pain – and, as Christopher Robin once said to Pooh, “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.”

Have you ever asked, “why not me?” or “why can’t I have this future?” The simple answers to both questions is – YOUCAN! You just need to manifest what you want for you and your future.

Manifesting is an energy play. To manifest something simply means to think and believe what you truly dream and desire– and trust that the Universe will provide what you need.

Often, we think of all the things that could go wrong. That thought comes from fear. When we open ourselves to the possibilities and all that could go right in our lives – our energy immediately shifts. It’s that positive energy that helps you manifest all the wonder waiting for you.

Personally, I’m laser focused on manifesting joy in my life and what I want to accomplish in my life. My higher purpose and spiritual path is to help women like you transform to be your beautiful and best self.

For me to do this effectively, I closely monitor my thoughts and feelings. I have the daily goal to stay positive, spread good vibes and keep my energy high. Part of how I do that is by taking small actions, every day, toward my goals. I manifest for myself – all day long.

I also manifest my future through visualization – I do this through meditation and simply being quiet and still and listening to my inner voice or intuition. I share my personal practices so you know you, too, can manifest your dreams and future. It takes practice. If you’d like help learning to manifest and trust in the Universe, please let me know.

Hold your dreams sacred – so you can surrender and make room in your life and your heart for all life’s possibilities!

Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. Being kind is not weakness, instead it’s a sign of strength and confidence.

It’s not always automatic for us to treat each other with kindness. It takes practice. It takes commitment – regardless of other things going on in our lives.

Another way to see kindness is to live by the “Golden Rule,” to treat others how you want to be treated. Our culture is so individualistic that we often live in social media bubbles. It takes an effort not only to get out of that bubble and make personal connections – but then to relate to others with true kindness and compassion.

You may show kindness to others, but do you show kindness to yourself? We are our own worst critics – looking inward and being loving and kind to ourselves helps us be even more compassionate to others.

Kindness is an energy you radiate and share. As a result, what you put out into the Universe comes back to you.

Be kind. Spread kindness. Mean it. Kindness is a simple way to make a difference for others one person at a time.