I recently shared a raw post about what happened with my biological relations at my biological father’s funeral in early January. It was a shit show orchestrated by these nasty individuals.
That funeral was six months ago.
Knowing it was going to be said shit show, a close friend recommended I get clear on what I needed from my daughter over the following days. So, I took her advice and sent a text to my daughter about what I needed from her. I was clear on h0w and why I needed her support and to have my back. The text read:
“I need you to have my back completely and unconditionally. I need to be clear with you what I would consider a direct betrayal. It incudes any time spent with Sarah and her family, Cecilia and her family, or my mom, or any combination thereof. I love you, but if I find out you’re engaging with them, I’m not sure how I’ll be able to handle that.”
(Note: Sarah and Cecilia are my biological sisters. I’m the oldest of three sisters.)
My daughter ignored my ask, my plea, my emotions.
During and after the funeral Mass and burial ceremony at Fort Snelling, I saw the betrayal with my eyes. And this was with skipping the funeral luncheon. I’d had enough of my nasty biological family at that point -including hiring cops at the visitation and Mass.
Here was my follow-up text to my daughter:
“You, I trust, saw that I didn’t get to lay the pall on the casket with everyone else. That was the ONE thing I wanted to do. I wish you’d sat with us. I’m really disappointed and hurt about that. You did stab me in the back. I made my boundaries clear. You chose a different path. I warned you about being manipulated. Where were these people when they ignored you for years?”
I’ve always had my daughter’s back. When she needed support monetarily and emotionally during college and grad school, I was there. Growing up, I was at every event, also paying for said events. I never asked for anything as part of it. It’s what a mother does.
And I did all of this as a single parent who worked full-time. I don’t say that to brag or for kudos but as a statement of fact. Also a fact is I stayed at toxic jobs because I was the sole family support. These jobs actually affected my physical and mental health. I stayed at some of these jobs anyway. One, I stayed so I could pay the final college tuition payment. While there, I developed an auto-immune health issue.
But after what happened at funeral events, I haven’t talked to my daughter for months. Six months. Rob and my bestie have repeatedly encouraged me to reach out to her and try to heal the relationship. But I feel differently. I don’t stand for betrayal on any level.
I need her to apologize t0 me for how she treated me and for betraying me at my core during my biological dad’s funeral events. For all I know, the betrayal continues.
What makes this extra nasty is that my biological sisters and brothers-in-law manipulated her at the funeral events – the very horrid individuals wh0 ignored my daughter for nearly a decade before. These are the villans. Not me. They brought the funeral drama. Not me.
I’m just fine. I know I deserve respect as a mother. N0t just as a mom but as one wh0 sacrificed herself for her daughter at every turn. It’s why I hold fast to my boundaries and I won’t be treated ill, betrayed or ignored – even from my daughter.
