Author: Bridget Zappa Hahn

Don’t live in the past. You can’t change it. I’ve learned that the hard way. Thinking of something painful from your past doesn’t usually serve you. If you can learn to let that go, you can change your life.

Instead, you need to control your thoughts. Learn to understand when your ego takes over instead of your higher self. If you can identify difficult thoughts or memories of the past and feel it, you can then choose to let it go and not take any bad energy forward into your today and future.

In terms of the future, don’t live there either. We aren’t guaranteed any tomorrows. I’m the first to admit that it’s exciting to plan for the future. When Rob and I think about our future together, it makes us happy, hopeful and really pumped. But we’re much more focused on the today.

It is vital to fully living to be in the moment, in the present. Try to feel the here and now. Rob and I are really mindful of this. We have so much going on now as we plan our wedding that we have a lot to enjoy today. We really try to slow down and embrace each individual moment.

Know you hold the power to change your reality in any moment by changing your thoughts. Lift your thinking, raise your vibes, change your life.

Do you dream? I don’t mean while you sleep – I mean while awake. Do you dream as part of your daily life? What are you meant to do with your life? Have a dream so big that it excites you to grow into the person you were meant to be.

If you know what you’re meant to accomplish with your life, find others in your life that support you and help prod you forward. Maybe it’s your partner, your child, your bestie – find those who help you discover your magic and make it real.

For me, I believe I’m meant to serve others. When I say serve, I mean offer my gifts to help others be the best they can be. So many of us fall victim to limiting beliefs or thoughts that we’re not good enough. That’s all hooey. Whoever you are, you are worthy, enough, loved, loveable and capable of great things. I truly know this – and my calling is to help others realize that and break through the barriers keeping them from being their true badass self.

I’m in my own way, though. I’m falling victim to limiting beliefs myself. “No one wants to work with me. No one will want to trust me with their life challenges. No one will sign up for my programs.”

I’d tell someone else to stop talking to yourself that way. Hello, Bridget, listen! Get out of your way and take chances! You are enough! I know when the teacher is ready, the students come. That means, I need to get ready. I need to believe in my abundance, my gifts, and continue to be of service to others.

There are two kinds of people – givers and takers. Takers may eat better but givers sleep better. I want to be a giver and want to give back. Deep down, I know if I live this way, all will be well!

Are you getting in your own way? Move – and trust in abundance!

How often have heard this phrase – that comparison is a thief of joy? While it precedes the predominance of social media, it’s definitely exacerbated the problem of comparison.

Depending on how firm you are in your sense of self, you may be more or less defined and affected by what you see and read on social media. Let’s state the obvious: Often what’s on social media isn’t real. People want to create the image that all is well, that they’re never sad, never post an imperfect photo, and they are better than everyone else.

Here’s why I choose not to compare:

1. You can’t have what’s mine
2. I don’t want what’s yours

It truly isn’t about you compared to me or me to you. I’m about being real, authentic and vulnerable on social media. Being me. Again, it depends on your sense of self and personal worth. For me, I’ve been called to share my journey to self-discovery and transformation with you. If you’ve followed me, you know I suffered severe sadness and despair after my love broke up with me in 2018.

I healed and found joy in life. It was such a struggle at times that I’ve learned also not to take joy lightly. Living in joy and being happy is something to appreciate every single day. But you can’t do that if you’re constantly comparing yourself to others.

Free yourself. Don’t worry about what someone else is posting on social media or doing in his/her life. Be yourself and be proud. No one is you – and that’s what makes you magic!

There is a sun within every person. – Rumi

Growth isn’t always easy. It’s not easy because it’s about change. Most likely it’s worth it on the other side – but you’ve got to start on the edge!

In my view, real and sustainable growth happens when you push the boundaries of what’s comfortable. That means getting comfortable being uncomfortable — and complacency is the opposite. Thinking that you’re “done” growing or changing means you’re actually atrophying – and I don’t mean physical muscles. I mean atrophying in all the other ways you define yourself as a person.

Atrophy is the opposite of growth. To grow means constantly expanding your thoughts, views and perceptions. It becomes circular. As you expand, you then expand more and more and more. That’s why you often hear people say they’re completely different than they were a year or so ago. I sure know how that feels.

The Bridget of 2017 or 2018 is completely different from the Bridget today, July 29, 2019. How?

I read a lot. I started thinking of my pain and sadness as part of my life experience. I also learned how to manage my energy and thoughts. If I started to feel myself spiral into negative thinking, I flipped it to instead see the positive in my life. I started living in gratitude.

All of this takes practice, but it’s made a huge impact on how I looked at life and how I still do.

Try living on the edge! Try focusing on growth, change, expansion and living life on purpose and with gratitude.

About a year and a half ago, my daughter encouraged me to start reading self-development books. I started with “You’re a Badass” by Jen Sincero and moved on to Gabby Bernstein’s “The Universe has your back.” I’ve read so many self-development books in that time I’ve become a different person. 

A year and half does change a person. I just happened to be reading along the way. I came to understand my love language and why men and women think differently. I studied how to be the most productive, courageous, thoughtful and clear leader possible. I asked why we judge others and how to move beyond it. I learned new ways to navigate stress and pain in my life. Though it all, I read poetry that made me feel inspired, happy, sad and generally introspective. 

I’ve always been a reader. Whether it’s a Jane Austen or Brendon Burchard, both feed my heart, mind and soul and make me better page by page. What are you reading? How are you feeding your mind and soul through the written word? Whatever speaks to you is what you should read. If you’re not much of a reader, consider books on tape or podcasts. The point is to feed your mind – how you do it is less important.

If you want recommendations, let me know. I keep track of all the books I read and am always happy to make recommendations based on what you want to focus on or expand in your life – and that changes over time and what you’re going through at any given time.

In my blog last week, I shared my anger about how my partner and I broke up. I thought it was just a break up. Unbeknownst to me, he stepped out on me and let himself be lured away by a vulture. Fast forward almost a year-and-a-half, and he came back to me fully and completely. He stepped forward to apologize to me and that he wanted another chance. I hadn’t stop loving him, so I was open to a new start. All of this unfolded according to divine timing – which is why we feel so blessed.

What we had the 8 years prior was dead. We both agreed about that. I also told him I wasn’t going to fill his empty spaces. It became clear, quickly, that it wasn’t the case. He never stopped loving me as I still loved him. 

I was open to a new start because he came to me honestly, apologetically and lovingly. He answered every question and openly addressed every concern. Anything I asked him to do from getting his key back to blocking the vulture on every social media site and his phone — one request from me and it was done.

As of publication of this blog, we’ve been together for a month already – and it’s bliss! Yes, we’ve had some very hard conversations given his huge mistake by getting involved in a fucked up relationship over the last year with the vulture, and I’ve dated quite a bit. The good news is that we both grew as individuals and learned tough lessons that made us stronger together already.

I didn’t steal him from anyone – that’s not in my character. He had time before he came back to me. That’s how you build a true, strong relationship – honestly, openly and from the heart and soul. He’s more committed to me than ever and won’t risk what we have again. It’s forever and the best is yet to come!

I’m part of the most wonderful group – half the population is – and it’s called the girl tribe. While strong women lift each other up, there are a few vultures who fuck other women instead. How? They steal men from other women. They generally stab other women in the back because they only find their worth in a man – and taking them from other women.

I know because it’s happened to me. I didn’t know it at the time, but I sure as hell know it now. It hurts, for sure, but I’ve been through such a transformation in the last year and a half that I know who the fuck I am. I’m strong, resilient, valuable, worthy and magic AF. I’ve worked so hard on myself that I actually feel sorry for women who have such low self esteem that they only THINK they are high-value women. 

A predatory woman needs a weak man to succumb to whatever temporary appeal she may have. In reality, she lures him in. He’s helpless, and maybe he’s thinking that the new shiny bitch is better than the loyal woman he left behind. I think that’s what hurt me the most – how easily my man was lured away by someone who was the complete antitheses to me. (Be sure to read my blog next Monday for an update.)

In reality, true-high value women respect relationships and don’t even consider breaking them up. Strong women would rather be single than steal another woman’s man. Strong women have a true moral compass, a true north, and live authentic lives. Strong women support strong women instead of stabbing others in the back. 

Women who fuck the girl tribe by pilfering men from other women will likely get their comeuppance. Karma is real and it’s a circular energy. What you give out you get back. That includes the bad karma of vultures and cheaters. I believe every woman who fucks another woman by taking her man, will either end up alone or be the victim of relationship sabotage themselves. Vultures belong together. 

I choose to support the girl tribe to the end and lift others up. After all, behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back. Join me. 

“Purpose is about giving yourself unconditionally and accepting what comes back with love, even if what comes back isn’t what you anticipated.” Dr Wayne Dyer

Love is a wonder of the world. It brings meaning to and enriches life. I’ve loved and been loved. It doesn’t get better than that. Loving enables you to fully enjoy every season of your life. But when a relationship ends, you may wonder, like I did for a long time, if I’d ever be able to date – let alone find love again. It is possible. Here are my guidelines for putting yourself out there. 

First, you must learn to love yourself unconditionally. That was a hard lesson for me. It’s so easy when you love others unconditionally to forget about loving yourself. Most of us think we’re here to love others. There’s truth there. What I realized was that I lost myself in loving someone else. That’s no good. You need to love yourself first. Accept yourself. Understand what makes you fucking magic. That’s the only way you’ll be able to love another person fully because you bring your full self to the relationship. 

Also, because you love yourself first, you’re better able to have – and maintain – standards in your life and relationship. You know your worth so you know what you deserve and what you won’t put up with. Boy, did I learn how important it is to set standards! 

When you put yourself first, you aren’t phased when a relationship takes its typical twists and turns. If it ends, you don’t suddenly doubt your value. It took me a long ass time to realize that being dumped after a long relationship had nothing to do with me – but had more to do with him and his sense of self. 

I now know I can’t take on someone else’s lack of self love. I can’t love them enough to get them past that. Nope. I can love them despite that. After all, none of us are perfect. We all have flaws and quirks and more, but someone else isn’t my “project” to “fix.” 

Think about all this before you decide if you’re ready to get out there and date again. I did. I decided a few things: I love myself first and I’m the goddess, the prize. I’m gold not grass and deserve a king who will treat me like the queen I am. I have my standards – what I’m willing to put up with and what I’m not – including deal breakers. I’m also not going to convince anyone to spend time with me. Say it out loud: I AM THE PRIZE!

If another person can’t see that and wants to get to know me, I don’t have the time. My time is too valuable – and they should be so lucky to be in my presence. This isn’t being cocky – it’s being confident. Too many women lack confidence which his why they get taken advantage of over and over – and may even have negative opinions of men. I really like and enjoy men and want to set myself up for relationship success. You can, too. First love yourself, set and stick to your standards, and don’t beg someone to spend time with you. 

You’ve got this. 

I had a dream last night. Details were sketchy, but I was out of commission for a time. With one daughter, I’ve always known so much would fall to her if anything happened to me. That was one clear part of my dream – her being at my side. She was supported by her partner. Also near me was my bestie. I know if anything ever happened to me, they would be right beside me, no questions asked. We all need one or two people we can rely on in our lives no matter what. It can be someone from your past or present. This dream reinforced that to me. 

Editor’s note: On June 29, I was taken by ambulance to a hospital on the North Shore of Minnesota.  I passed out while helping Rob stack firewood and had had a tiny seizure. Thank God I was with my love. He  jumped into action and never left my side. He was so reassuring and loving – just what I needed when I was scared. It turned out I was dehydrated. After an EKG and IV fluid, I was discharged. Rob continued to care for me and make sure I stayed hydrated. Love is a feeling and an action and I’m blessed to have both.  

Who is in your life that supports you through thick and thin, light and dark times, no questions asked? It doesn’t need to be anyone biologically related to you. Besides my daughter, my true family isn’t blood – they are the ones who I love and love me back and accept me no matter the situation. 

As important as a strong support system is identifying the toxic people in your life and removing that energy from your sphere. I’m serious. Energy invades and spreads and no one needs ugly toxic energy in their lives – especially when you’re vulnerable and need love and support. Remove. Cleanse. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t look back. 

For me, that’s actually my biological family, my parents and siblings. I can’t be judged one more time for being me and for the decisions I’ve made in my life. I’m 48. I raised my daughter on my own. I put her through Catholic schools, high school and college on my own. I did and can do hard things on my own. I didn’t need my biological toxicity then or now. 

Find those bright, shiny people who love you for you, all your bumps, bruises, flaws and fuck ups. Those are the ones to keep close and not let go. 

“Your job is to create a vision that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning. If it doesn’t, go back to bed until you have a bigger dream.” 

I don’t know who said that, but it’s completely true. Every morning, you should jump out of bed because you have such a purpose to live and accomplish. You love your life and know that you’re making a difference in the world by being in it – and that you have a dream to pursue. 

What kind of dream matters? Well that’s up to each person. I’m working to start my own coaching business. That’s why I started this blog – to chronicle my journey and hopefully help a few people along the way. Some may want a new job, a bigger house, or a true and happy partnership/relationship. Every dream is as unique as you are. 

In essence, when you have a dream that keeps you engaged and motivated, you’re generally happier. You are working toward something bigger, something that’s just about you. Think about that for a minute. How many times each day do you do things for others? How many times do you consider yourself and your dreams and realize they are as valid as the dreams and goals of anyone else? In fact, your dreams are more important because they are yours.

Say it with me – MY DREAMS MATTER AND I CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TO! Say that over again. Look in a mirror and say it to your self. Look in your own eyes and say it. The more you say it, the more it’s real, the more it matters. 

You can have everything you’ve ever dreamed about. You owe it to yourself to pursue every single dream. Life is too short not to. Dream and do now.