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You may have heard this phrase before: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” Versions of this phrase have been attributed to Plato. What that means to me is that for hundreds of years, people have needed reminders to be kind, especially since so much of what we think and feel is hidden behind our external appearances. 

Anxiety and depression and other emotional challenges are internal struggles. You don’t see someone at work, church or Target and think, “Oh, that person must have anxiety.” No. Those close to you often aren’t aware of your internal struggles – unless you tell them. If you can’t get out of bed in the morning or throughout the day try not to have a panic attack, it’s a battle few may know about. That’s why, whether you also face the same struggles or have a friend or family member who does, kindness should be your default in how you treat other people. 

Kindness is underrated. It’s not necessarily as easy to make it your default, but it’s my goal. As humans, we tend to jump to judgment first and react with compassion later. Opening your heart to be more compassionate, kind and loving to others, is the challenge, and we can each meet it or ignore it. By treating others with kindness, it will be reflected back to you, especially at times when you need it most. 

In fighting an internal battle (and I understand more than most), you may feel that it’s obvious to others, but it most likely is not. Part of that fight may be healing from an emotional or spiritual wound. That’s also a a very private battle. Healing a heart or patching up a soul can’t be rushed. It’s sensitive and sacred work. Similarly, if you’re being treated for depression or anxiety, be easy on yourself. You are a unique and beautiful creation and you’re not alone. Find others who you can trust and lean on. Those who will understand your ups and downs and love and support you anyway. 

Whether you can lend love and support to a loved one, or simply be kind to others in all you do, you show you’re mindful of what’s hidden for all of us: our pain, struggle, challenges, battles. 

Sunday is my day. I call it “Bridget’s Zen Day.” I made this change in my life earlier this year as I navigated the twists and turns and pain in my life. It’s made all the difference. 

On a typical Sunday, I center myself early by going to early Mass. After,  I run the beautiful Summit Avenue in St. Paul, Minn. I enjoy the weather, beautiful scenery and changing seasons. If the weather doesn’t cooperate, I hit my mat for a yoga sweat sesh. After either workout, I then luxuriate in a warm bubble and epsom salt bath. For the rest of the afternoon, I write or read or take an online seminar for persona development. 

Establishing this Sunday tradition all about me has been vital to my health and healing. It’s so necessary, that I let my friends and family know so they could understand why I was keeping Sunday as my sacred day. 

For the first time in my life, I’ve worked to align my body, soul and mind. On a regular basis, being healthy and strong physically has helped me be healthy and strong emotionally and spiritually. This alignment is so important to healing. It’s been a key element for me. 

Through this beautiful focus, I’ve also found the real me, gotten to know who I am and what matters to me, tuned in to fully trust my intuition, and fallen in love with what makes me pure magic. That’s why I truly believe taking care of yourself is not selfish at all. It’s fundamental to learning to live a full life on purpose. 

This is a snapshot of what I do to take care of myself so I can not only survive, but thrive. I encourage you to find ways to take care of yourself, too. Your practices may be similar to mine or different. Regardless, you can’t take care of anyone else if you’re not taking care of you – and you are worthy!

Another of my loving practices is aligning with the cycles of the moon. During a new moon, I set intentions for my next month and identify areas of my life where I want to make changes. Our next new moon is this week on Nov. 7. My intention for this new moon is to be more open with the Universe about what I want to manifest in my life and not apologize for what I desire. I want to bring more peace and joy into my life and radiate that shit in every room I enter and with each person I interact with. Living in peach and joy takes effort – it doesn’t just happen. 

What you manifest can happen. What do you want more of in your life? Create an intention and ask the Universe! 

So many of us live in fear every day and we don’t even realize it. It’s not fear of the unknown or fear of scary movies. It’s fear of living to our potential and our fullest life – living our dreams. To do that, you need to face fear and live in love on purpose every day. 

Living in love isn’t easy. Fear is a primal emotion, It can come over us in a big way out of nowhere. It can make us think and react in ways that may not feel real to who we really are. It can be so overwhelming that we have a hard time thinking from our more evolved and loving selves. In essence, we may feel out of alignment with what we feel in our hearts. 

By acknowledging the sneaky nature of fear, we can face it and choose love instead. It’s like how a negative thought creeps into your mind and you choose to think of something positive instead. It’s a choice. It’s a choice we need to make because living in fear sometimes feels like our default. So we must choose love over fear over and over and over again. 

After all, fear and love cannot coexist. Eventually love can become our default so we can be in alignment with our true, authentic selves. When love is our choice every day, we feel more joy and peace. And we can share that love and joy with others to give them hope that they, too, can live more in love than fear. 

Living in love instead of fear is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. I still find myself reverting to fear at certain times or with certain painful situations. That’s ok. What matters is that I stop and purposefully choose love instead. You can do the same. Just start. It begins facing one fear and making one choice. Allow yourself to feel love instead of fear and live your fullest, best life every day. 

Some believe the words “vulnerable” and “strength” are oxymorons. How about you? Do you believe vulnerability is a strength or weakness? The simple awareness that you may be vulnerable in general or about a specific situation makes it a strength – specifically if means you are living your truth. 

To me, vulnerability means you’re comfortable with who you are and unapologetic about it. That’s what I mean by “living your truth.” Those around you have no doubt about who you truly are. If they’re real friends or partners they’ll love you as you are. Even if you’re not surrounded by the most supportive people, being vulnerable enables you to own your strengths and weaknesses, your pains and fears, your lightness and darkness. You are you and should be damn proud of it!

Being vulnerable is also about releasing what’s not serving you. That may mean being ok letting some people, energy and situations go. It’s actually an exercise in self-love. By surrounding yourself with good energy and those who love you for you, you’re able to be more vulnerable. It’s an infinite circle – the more vulnerable and true you are, the more you attract strong and supportive people, the more vulnerable you can be, and so on. This circle is actually quite lovely! 

Could you be more vulnerable – with yourself and others? Who? What can you let go of that may not be able to come with you in your journey of self-discovery? Get real. Be true to you. Life is too short not to live your truth and comfortable in your own skin. Practice being more vulnerable to live more fully. 

Next Full Moon (Oct. 24, the Hunters Moon) is time to act!

As an aside, by now, you know that I love the moon and taking advantage of its waxing and waning, its new and full phases. Oct. 24 is the next full moon – the Hunter’s Moon. Because this one occurs deep in autumn, it’s history is about how hunters would make one last hunt for meat before the frigid winter months. Basically, this full moon is the “last call” for fall. Take advantage of the full moon. It embodies the full energy of action. So, if you’re in the middle of an activity or project – act! 

When I was younger, older adults often told me that life’s not easy – or fair. At the time, I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. I was coping well with whatever I had going on at the time. To me, it seemed the advice was more about the person giving the advice that it was about me. 

I don’t want to come across that way with you or anyone else. After all, life serves each of us different curve balls. We see our life changes based on our prior experiences and overall perceptions, too. 

For example, how we face relationship loss or job loss can be completely different. I’ve experienced both this year. None were easy, but my relationship loss affected me so much more than my job loss. In fact, having that frame of reference enabled me to face my job loss with a broader perspective because it paled in comparison to losing the love of my life. I’m still healing from that heartache. 

If you have similar situations, know that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. I’ve had to remind myself about that over and over. Even so, it can be hard to find moments of clarity about pain. That’s why it’s important to simply honor your struggle. 

When you honor the struggle, you let it be. You can know it’s ok to feel the emotions along the way. You may even get to the point where you see pain and struggle as life lessons. But you can’t make that progression unless you honor the struggle, step by step. 

Honoring the struggle is not only part of your journey, it might be how you get to know yourself better, including learning to truly love yourself. It’s that simple and that complex. Try honor your own struggle and find your inner strength and badass.

If you’re not sure how to move though the process and find that inner strength in the struggle, let me help you. While we could work one-on-one, you could also jump into my holiday women’s circle. If this is your first holiday alone or you’re not looking forward to the holidays because of other life changes, grab one of the 10 available spots now! 

I’m not one to typically wish for time to pass quickly. I’m actually trying to keep my focus and thoughts on the present and live more in the moment. But 2018 has been one hell of a year for me. Not only did I lose the love of my life,  I also recently lost my job when it was eliminated. I’ve had so many signs from the Universe this year that I’ve been forced to listen – and surrender and surrender more. 

Early this year as I struggled with the pain of loss, I cracked open Gabby Bernstein’s book The Universe has your back. It changed my life. Her explanation of the Universe, basically the law of attraction and how our thoughts help determine our future. It was also, at it’s core, about how to find meaning in life and suffering – specifically how to surrender to a higher power. I’ve told as many people as I can about this book and how impactful it can be regardless of what you’re facing in life. 

While in some ways Gabby and her book saved me, it gave me the tools and broader perspective on life to move forward and trust a higher power in my life. It was no coincidence that I had also returned to Mass at the beginning of the year. I yearned for unconditional love and support and it was God/the Universe who gave it to me.

Regardless of who your higher power is (and if you even believe in one) find a power like the Universe and let go and surrender. Know that you’re not only being guided and supported, but when you feel your weakest and unsure of how to move forward – the Universe will catch you and carry you. You may not know it at the time, but as you heal, you’ll know…You’re right where you need to be. 

 

Today is also a New moon in Libra. Every new moon is a time to set intentions for the coming lunar cycles. It’s a little like setting New Year’s intentions, but new moon intentions can be as simple as what you want to accomplish in the next month. Take advantage of this energy!

For me, I’m setting the intention to meditate on the higher good instead of on a specific outcome I want in a situation. I’m also setting the intention to plan my coming Women’s Holiday Circle and helping women find their inner badass. Drop me a note at bcappa@comcast.net if you want to learn more or sign up. 

What are you manifesting during this new moon? 

Regardless of what you read on social media or in email, happiness is all the rage. The word and concept is everywhere. Everyone is trying to define happiness. It’s that elusive goal that all of us are supposed to want and easily achieve. How? By controlling your thoughts. Not so fast – that’s not simple in the least. 

If happiness were as easy and redirecting and controlling your thoughts, we’d all achieve at the drop of a hat. I know for me, changing or redirecting my thoughts, especially thoughts of self-doubt, fear, loneliness, are difficult for me to withstand in general let alone redirect to positive thoughts and happy feelings – and while I occasionally have anxious thoughts, I don’t suffer from anxiety or depression. Happiness and redirecting your thoughts can discredit anyone who has these experiences. 

I have friends who suffer from depression to the point of needing to take medication to take the edge off and live every day with some hope. I know they often are victims of negative thinking and may go through “funks” or periods of extreme sadness and doubt. To ask them to simply shift their thinking to be happy discounts their everyday challenges. 

Thinking about my friends who experience anxiety and/or depression, I’ve come to the conclusion that happiness isn’t the right goal. Instead, resilience is the goal. We all face life’s challenges in different ways. The ability to move forward doesn’t rely on one feeling like happiness. It does take the ability to bounce back – that’s relative based on your emotional starting point. 

So let’s be understanding that others may be facing challenges we can’t see.

Do you love you? That’s a loaded question. After all, if you’ve experienced a personal loss or the heartache of a break up, you’ve lost love on some level. You may be in the vicious cycle of blaming yourself and extreme sadness. Learning to fully love yourself again is the first step in breaking that cycle and healing your heart. 

First, you need to take care of you and keep yourself as your first priority. That’s as individual as you are, but there are few ways I can recommend based on my experience. Are you eating well, exercising and getting enough sleep? Yes, this is pretty basic, but in the midst of pain and sorrow, we tend to forget about what our bodies need. I struggled at first. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Over time, I forced myself to eat – and sometimes you need to do that.

You can also add some self-care rituals. Sundays are my zen days – the day of the week I try to keep just for me. I go to church, get a run in, take my dogs for leisurely walks, and soak in a bubble bath. I also enjoy some reading or personal development work. My friends and family know that Sunday is my day and they’ve come to respect it. 

I also make my health a big priority. I eat clean and workout every single day. By becoming healthier and stronger physically it’s helped me become stronger emotionally and spiritually. Not to mention – you get leaner and look better outside. Overtime, the changes outside become only representative of the transformation underway inside!

I share my examples only as inspiration and ideas for you. Self-love and self-care are not at all selfish. It’s vital. It’s how you heal, preserve your energy and learn to live fully again. Here are some other ways to love yourself first: 

1. Define and live your values proudly
2. Meditate / pray / be in stillness and tune in to your inner guide 
3. Forgive yourself first
4. Be thankful for all the good in your life
5. Lean in to your emotions – what you’re feeling is ok. 
6. Heal on your own time
7. You’re exactly where you are meant to be right now
8. Be you!

Love yourself first. It’s not only how you’ll heal, it’s the only true way to love others. 

Gabby Bernstein calls forgiveness “the F word.” I love that. What other F word is about extending grace and generosity to someone who has wronged or hurt you?

Forgiveness isn’t easy. You may have heard the quote, “Forgiveness is next to godliness.” It takes hard inner work to forgive someone else, especially if that person has hurt you deeply. Often, that pain pulls your energy down, too, which can amplify the hurt and make it difficult to truly forgive. That’s another reason why forgiveness is so important – for you.

You need to protect your energy at all costs – it’s vital to healing. That’s why forgiving genuinely from within you releases any negative energy and raises your energy and vibration. Whether you come to forgiveness through prayer, meditation or simple stillness, by surrendering the hurt to the Universe you can begin to feel the peace that comes from letting go. That’s why forgiving someone is a gift you give yourself.

Speaking of yourself, go easy on you. We tend to judge ourselves more critically than we do others – which makes it important that you forgive yourself and do it over and over and over. By releasing ourselves from self-doubt, self-judgment, and, sometimes – self-hate – we are free to fully forgive others.

You don’t need to forgive someone in person – you just need to truly extend it and send it out to the Universe. Don’t wait to forgive. You deserve the release, the peace and the energy rebound.

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” I’m not sure who said this, but they were spot on when it comes to dealing with disappointment in life, especially the pain and sadness of heartache.

As a society, we tend to not want to feel difficult emotions like pain, sadness or fear. The more you deny or repress these emotions, the more they fester. When they do resurface – and they will – the emotions will be more intense. What’s the solution? Feel the fullness of each emotion and lean into it – when you feel it.

How fully you lean into hard emotions, the quicker you can heal and come out the other side. One way to do this is by reframing the pain so it can become a learning experience. As you learn to better cope – and that’s a journey – you can use the pain as catalyst for personal growth and resilience (see last week’s blog). It’s learning how to differentiate between what’s within your control and what’s not – and letting go of what you can’t control.

I know it’s uncomfortable. But it’s in the leaning in and feeling the full emotions that you learn more about who you are – your beliefs, your relationships with others and what makes you happy. As you discover the wonder of you, try to stay away from blaming yourself for any part of your current situation. Try not to judge yourself. Go easy and treat yourself with compassion.

New Moon
This week is a new moon. New moons signify new beginnings. Let this week be the start of something great and powerful for you. Try to focus on all that’s good and right in your life. Regardless of what you are going through right now, you are enough and people in your life do love you. It may not feel like it, but it’s true. Remember, you are loved and loveable just as you are! Lean into that!

On a personal note:
I know that leaning into your emotions and feeling the fullness of pain is easier said than done.

Today is Sept. 3. I dread the third of each month because the love of my life broke my heart on Jan. 3, 2018. Each third of the month means one more month we are not together. It’s painful and when the sadness and pain overcome me, I lean into it. I cry if I need to. As I shared last week, I’m on a journey to healing. Being resilient, making happiness a choice, starting my day with intention, and taking control of my life has made all the difference.

It can for you, too. Let me help you.