What is forgiveness? Forgiveness means different things to different people. But in general, it involves an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. That may mean letting go of the act that hurt or offended you.
Forgiving someone does not mean expressing it to the person directly. You may forgive from a distance and for you own benefit. That may not mean forgetting the hurt or wiping the slate clean. Compassion and boundaries are not mutually exclusive. You can say both “I forgive you” and “I don’t want you in my life.”
It does mean forgiving for yourself so you don’t need to carry the past into your present. Forgiveness allows you to let go of the regrets or resentments that eat up your valuable energy.
Boy, do I know about this. I used to think I needed to not be so forgiving. After all, I believe people know exactly what they’re doing when they’ve treated me like shit. I do believe this, when people show you who they are, believe them.
I’m not perfect. No one is. I’m fallible like everyone else. I also recognize that when people know better, they tend to do better. My own self-exploration continues to lead to my own healing. That means I’m still learning what it means to forgive others for myself. I can make myself better for having endured it, but first I must go through it. What hasn’t killed me makes me stronger.
To move forward, I must recognize the truth of what happened. When I see what happened and accept that I can’t change the past, I learn to forgive and heal for my own future.
As author Haruki Murakami tells us, “When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.”
