Trauma is an emotionally painful or upsetting life event which can result in long-lasting mental and/or physical pain. It can happen when a child has intense or overwhelming experiences, and it doesn’t just go away. If it is not addressed, it could also impact adulthood.
It may have lasting adverse effects mentally, physically, socially or emotionally and might even affect spiritual well-being. Basically, scars of the past may continue, even if unconsciously or under the surface.
For me, I’ve experienced trauma from biological related individuals. I’ve shared in other blog posts about the toxicity and controlling nature of these people. Not one of them, including those known as my parents and sisters, didn’t let me know my dad was being put in memory care.
Here’s a recent situation. After a very long time, I went to see my dad. His room was a disaster, and dare I say, a pig sty. It was very cluttered. Dozens of clothes, unfolded, were everywhere. And it smelled – a lot.
So, a few days later, I went back with paper towels and wet wipes. He was in some activity. I went into his room to clean. I picked up clutter. Folded clothes all throughout the room and in a huge pile in the closet. I dusted. It was dirty and really dusty. I bought and opened an air freshener in the bathroom.
He came back into the room as I was wrapping up and got upset. I took an empty shoe box out of the closet and he didn’t understand that. Then he got upset and slammed his closet doors. I left without saying goodbye.
He was so ungrateful. I took time out of my day. I just don’t think he comprehends any of it.
What in the heck are the other biological individuals doing? Do they even look around his room? Can they not smell the room? I took action. Others, who seem to care haven’t cleaned or dusted, maybe ever. They aren’t taking care of his living space.
I know to heal from my trauma I need to become less reactive. I know it will be part of my growth and a way to decrease my stress. The reason I haven’t visited my dad for a very long time is because I’m protecting my peace and taking care of myself.
It’s not in the interest of my mental health to see him. After seeing him, it takes me many days to feel normal again. Many may not understand this. That’s not my issue. My health on multiple levels is more important than that.
Healing from my trauma has made me also realize that by staying stuck in these emotions dulls who I am and what makes me ME. I’m not allowing anyone to affect my peace. Instead, I’ll be brave and allow my fiery essence to shine.
No more toxic family and ungrateful individuals.
